#3 - dare i say there was another? this one is hard.
oh fuck this one is hard. oh so hard.
i actually looked up this person yesterday while thinking about writing about this piece. i had heard he was back living in toronto, and his public credits confirmed it.
he was a former supervisor on two shows that i worked on. on one show we worked together in toronto. stop motion. a heyday in toronto at the time. the company we worked for employed over 100, possibly even 200, young, 20-30 something artistic creative types. aka melrose place.
i should say thank you for that toxic work environment, where many nerds now worked together. then, as a year later my new boss in halifax would describe it as: revenge of the nerds.
except one thing: i'm not all that cool. and if you really know me, you know i love cartoons, stop motion, drawing, filmmaking, music, live music, reading about science on the internet or books etc etc. like, i'm a nerd, who, can clean up well, if presented with the right opportunity, and the right makeup cannon.
(also: this damn blaw-g exists because i started it in june 2004, while i was patiently trying to complete my two weeks of notice, to move to halifax, to work on a different stop motion show.)
anyway, i didn't have much interaction with him in toronto, other then that one of my film school friends/co-workers had a blatant crush on him, and he was in a relationship. she wouldn't talk to the rest of us about it, but, we saw how she acted and bugged her about her love for him. when he jumped to move to halifax, she jumped higher, and got out there as soon as she could.
another bunch of us bailed on the toronto toxic shop after we also got head hunted for the CBC/BBC kids show shooting in halifax (21 of us eventually moved there to work. only one person is still living there from the bunch.) promised dreams of the ocean, shorter work days, more money, and a cheaper cost of living, many of us packed up and jumped ontario for nova scotia with in 3 weeks of accepting deals on the production.
my problems started slowly, and eventually, blind sided me, when our unorganized art director was demoted, and my abuser was promoted to replace him. he'd already started restlessly bulling me. so much so that i started doubting what i was doing, all the time, i was starting to have small anxiety attacks at work.
what also bothered me, sometimes more then him, was that my film school friend was getting in on the action. she told people stories about me that were untrue. that's when i started to really understand that she wasn't my friend. and that this might never get better. i was back in grade 5 again, being relentlessly bullied for speaking my mind, standing up for other people, or, IDK, just caring about doing a good job too much? i constantly was put down, put in my place and told i was an idiot. if i complained to anyone "upstairs" (aka production), they lied and said i was the problem. because of my extensive past history of abuse, i turtled up and tried to protect myself. i re-read my copy of BLUBBER (i'm not joking, this book, it saved me a lot when i was a bullied kid, so i found myself reaching for it again, as an adult).
then my step grandfather passed away, back home, in ontario. i didn't have enough money to go back to tbay for christmas, and i couldn't go back to see him before he died. i was heartbroken. it really affected me. i didn't have many people to talk to about it. for me, he was my protector, he helped me when i was being abused as a child. i felt lost with out his energy in the universe. i loved him so much.
around this time, my work abuse escalated, until the "new" art director (my abuser) had me switched full time into the paint department, away from building puppets and props. he continued to mock me, from across the room. he also told my new supervisor that i probably wasn't going to be of much use to him, as i didn't know anything. with in a week of working in the paint department, my supervisor pulled me aside and said (in a big brother tone, he really was my work big brother after all this crap went down): "I don't care what he says about you, you know a lot of things, and you have really taught me a lot about how to properly run a stop motion paint department, so thank you for that." i remember giving him a big hug, and almost crying because of how broken i had been feeling. he made me feel safe again, at work, as did the goofy band of graffiti artists that made up the rest of our paint department.
my new supervisor probably saved my life that day. he really did. because i have only really had 3 boughts in my life of feeling extremely suicidal, the only times i actually, really, had a plan to kill myself:
1) when i was being bullied as a teenager at the age of 15/16, after years of being bullied; writing & having a close friend who believed in the same things i did, helped me break out of that depression.
2) the winter i lived in halifax (2004-2005), and i was ostracized in my work place by an abusive male boss and someone i thought was a friend, combined with living in a community known for "dying artists" (seriously, at the time, artists were throwing themselves into the sea, to die, because mental health care was so poor in nova scotia); writing, taking a trip i couldn't afford at the time to vancouver & toronto, and eventually moving back to toronto helped me break out of that depression. i also broke contact with people who were being abusive to me. that helped a lot.
3) after my car accident in 2012, and i was showing signs of C-PTSD, i was prescribed a series of drugs, off label, for sleeping, and they, in combination with herbal supplements i was already taking, made me feel extremely suicidal off and on for a few months, until it was all out of my system. i now know i'm allergic to valerian root, a common ingredient in many anti anxiety/sleep medications; seeing a naturopath, attending ACA meetings, therapy, physio, and completely changing my diet helped me beat those feelings, and helped me get the residual prescription drugs out of my system. those dozen pills, taken as a doctor ordered (1-2 per day), made me ill for months. big pharma may work for some people, but, not me.
so, i'd like to say: zane knisely is one of the most abusive people i've ever had the displeasure of working for.
a lot of people witnessed him being abusive to me, and to others, in our shop. i stopped working in the paint department, and in stop motion, because of how i was treated, as an artist, in these environments. i was sick of being sexually harassed, verbally assaulted, mocked, brought to tears in the work place. for years many of my new friends didn't even know that i had any artistic talent (other then photography). i hid my painting talents for years after this point.
zane. you are a horrible, mean, spiteful, rude and dishonest person. one of the worst i've ever worked with.
unfortunately, he's ONE of the worst. meaning, there are more.
i actually looked up this person yesterday while thinking about writing about this piece. i had heard he was back living in toronto, and his public credits confirmed it.
he was a former supervisor on two shows that i worked on. on one show we worked together in toronto. stop motion. a heyday in toronto at the time. the company we worked for employed over 100, possibly even 200, young, 20-30 something artistic creative types. aka melrose place.
(i did not work on this - just my sense of humour)
except one thing: i'm not all that cool. and if you really know me, you know i love cartoons, stop motion, drawing, filmmaking, music, live music, reading about science on the internet or books etc etc. like, i'm a nerd, who, can clean up well, if presented with the right opportunity, and the right makeup cannon.
(also: this damn blaw-g exists because i started it in june 2004, while i was patiently trying to complete my two weeks of notice, to move to halifax, to work on a different stop motion show.)
anyway, i didn't have much interaction with him in toronto, other then that one of my film school friends/co-workers had a blatant crush on him, and he was in a relationship. she wouldn't talk to the rest of us about it, but, we saw how she acted and bugged her about her love for him. when he jumped to move to halifax, she jumped higher, and got out there as soon as she could.
another bunch of us bailed on the toronto toxic shop after we also got head hunted for the CBC/BBC kids show shooting in halifax (21 of us eventually moved there to work. only one person is still living there from the bunch.) promised dreams of the ocean, shorter work days, more money, and a cheaper cost of living, many of us packed up and jumped ontario for nova scotia with in 3 weeks of accepting deals on the production.
my problems started slowly, and eventually, blind sided me, when our unorganized art director was demoted, and my abuser was promoted to replace him. he'd already started restlessly bulling me. so much so that i started doubting what i was doing, all the time, i was starting to have small anxiety attacks at work.
what also bothered me, sometimes more then him, was that my film school friend was getting in on the action. she told people stories about me that were untrue. that's when i started to really understand that she wasn't my friend. and that this might never get better. i was back in grade 5 again, being relentlessly bullied for speaking my mind, standing up for other people, or, IDK, just caring about doing a good job too much? i constantly was put down, put in my place and told i was an idiot. if i complained to anyone "upstairs" (aka production), they lied and said i was the problem. because of my extensive past history of abuse, i turtled up and tried to protect myself. i re-read my copy of BLUBBER (i'm not joking, this book, it saved me a lot when i was a bullied kid, so i found myself reaching for it again, as an adult).
then my step grandfather passed away, back home, in ontario. i didn't have enough money to go back to tbay for christmas, and i couldn't go back to see him before he died. i was heartbroken. it really affected me. i didn't have many people to talk to about it. for me, he was my protector, he helped me when i was being abused as a child. i felt lost with out his energy in the universe. i loved him so much.
around this time, my work abuse escalated, until the "new" art director (my abuser) had me switched full time into the paint department, away from building puppets and props. he continued to mock me, from across the room. he also told my new supervisor that i probably wasn't going to be of much use to him, as i didn't know anything. with in a week of working in the paint department, my supervisor pulled me aside and said (in a big brother tone, he really was my work big brother after all this crap went down): "I don't care what he says about you, you know a lot of things, and you have really taught me a lot about how to properly run a stop motion paint department, so thank you for that." i remember giving him a big hug, and almost crying because of how broken i had been feeling. he made me feel safe again, at work, as did the goofy band of graffiti artists that made up the rest of our paint department.
my new supervisor probably saved my life that day. he really did. because i have only really had 3 boughts in my life of feeling extremely suicidal, the only times i actually, really, had a plan to kill myself:
1) when i was being bullied as a teenager at the age of 15/16, after years of being bullied; writing & having a close friend who believed in the same things i did, helped me break out of that depression.
2) the winter i lived in halifax (2004-2005), and i was ostracized in my work place by an abusive male boss and someone i thought was a friend, combined with living in a community known for "dying artists" (seriously, at the time, artists were throwing themselves into the sea, to die, because mental health care was so poor in nova scotia); writing, taking a trip i couldn't afford at the time to vancouver & toronto, and eventually moving back to toronto helped me break out of that depression. i also broke contact with people who were being abusive to me. that helped a lot.
3) after my car accident in 2012, and i was showing signs of C-PTSD, i was prescribed a series of drugs, off label, for sleeping, and they, in combination with herbal supplements i was already taking, made me feel extremely suicidal off and on for a few months, until it was all out of my system. i now know i'm allergic to valerian root, a common ingredient in many anti anxiety/sleep medications; seeing a naturopath, attending ACA meetings, therapy, physio, and completely changing my diet helped me beat those feelings, and helped me get the residual prescription drugs out of my system. those dozen pills, taken as a doctor ordered (1-2 per day), made me ill for months. big pharma may work for some people, but, not me.
so, i'd like to say: zane knisely is one of the most abusive people i've ever had the displeasure of working for.
a lot of people witnessed him being abusive to me, and to others, in our shop. i stopped working in the paint department, and in stop motion, because of how i was treated, as an artist, in these environments. i was sick of being sexually harassed, verbally assaulted, mocked, brought to tears in the work place. for years many of my new friends didn't even know that i had any artistic talent (other then photography). i hid my painting talents for years after this point.
zane. you are a horrible, mean, spiteful, rude and dishonest person. one of the worst i've ever worked with.
unfortunately, he's ONE of the worst. meaning, there are more.
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