I guess i will just start at the beginning
so much for daily
probably going to be daily some days
but when i have "LIFE" to deal with i will have to prioritize that. i am no slave to the interwebs ;)
i spent my spare time the last few days writing this post in my head
and in the bath tub the other day i thought:
"well, i guess i should start where most stories start...at the beginning"
in 1997 i had a meeting with my highschool guidance counsellor, who pointed out that i was excelling at media production, as i was a part of the video yearbook team, and me and my cousin matthew had been making lil movies with his VHS camera.
my other best friend, also named matthew, and my oldest friend, steve, we also had ruled at making video projects for presentations instead of the whole boring students talking pointing at cardboard things that people usually did. in particular i remember a weekend where steve came out to kakabeka falls and stayed at matt's, and we made an english class video (scenes shot in order, or really ghetto camera to VHS editing). this particular english video was about CATCHER IN THE RYE, and we had steve play all the Holden Caulfield parts. i remember at one point we had him kick a basketball really far across the baseball pitch at KB falls elementary school. then he dead panned into the camera. i actually still laugh thinking about it.
i was practically failing OAC (grade 13) english at the time (as well this was THE ONLY CREDIT I NEEDED TO GRADUATE), and this video, and a presentation where i revealed my great grandparents had been married in PEI by Lucy Maud Montgomery's husband, were probably the only reasons why i actually passed this class. oh, and i made a tribute to Alfred Hitchcock video too, where I PLAYED most of the female roles, including screaming in the shower (and far from naked, i had bare shoulders) for PSYCHO. i'm hoping my cousin matt has lost THAT footage in particular. before this point i was more well known as one of the only 18 year olds in school who had to be separated from my other bestie (ryan) and moved to the front of the room. why? for talking too much and passing notes constantly.
so many people thought i was stupid, but the guidance counsellor knew: i was REALLY smart, and SUPER bored at school.
what she didn't know was: i was having a lot of issues at home with my single father, who was drinking too much, and i had to take care of my younger brother. we usually had limited food (i spent my small paycheques from my multiple part time jobs on food, often), and a lot of the time we were missing important things. like power. or a phone. or water, because our pipes usually froze every winter. when i looked at my highschool report cards recently, one of my friends commented on some of my low grades. and said: "it makes sense to me because i was starving."
around this time i had a huge fight with my father and asked my aunt if i could move out.
because even though i was starving, there was a trust fund waiting for me when i turned 18, for my education and for anything i may need. a result of my deceased mother having several childless aunts, who left all of their money to their nieces and nephews (with me and my brother splitting my mom's portion). i also got a small amount in my mother's father's will, when he died when i was in grade 8.
my aunt was the executor of both wills. she ended up losing a shit ton of money in the Nortel collapse, so, eventually i removed her from having any control over this money, as she kept on keeping me from the funds, even though i was 18. she did allow me to move out, and barely gave me enough money to live, informing me i had to get a job.
problem: i'd applied for over 40+ jobs in the city of thunder bay in 1997 and got ONE interview. i could only find employment in kakabeka falls, and i lived in thunder bay. i coasted on trust fund fumes and made money where i could (usually babysitting).
when i started college, for film production, it was even harder for me to work, and i concentrated just on school (well at first i concentrated on socializing, but, at the time my school had a very strict policy on missing classes, if you missed 3 classes TOTAL over all of your classes in a semester, you'd be kicked out of the course. i gave up on a social life after missing 2 classes.)
i found from day one that i was a divide in my class. this was the first time i wondered if the world was a man's world. we had around 30 people in our class, and i was one of 6-7 girls. one of the girls dropped out in the first semester, and we lost another one between 1st and 2nd year.
i had another issue: dating the guys in my class. caused too much drama so i went under cover, and eventually i had a pretty secret fling with one of my classmates (we'll call him #1). it went on for years and years off and on (whenever #1 was in Toronto and the brief time i lived in the same city as him) after we were done school. we are still friends, but, #1 eventually admitted to me (2009) that he'd been using me for hookups (and long distance lust) and didn't really have real feelings for me ever. ya #1 is still my friend even though i actually did love the fucker. too many pages in my diary devoted to that waste of time. i do not think #1 is a bad person, just a womanizer. and because #1 works in the business, and he is handsome, it helps him in this. if you are a male in media you are encouraged to cheat, especially on location. it's so fucked up. i can say the last time #1 "tried" something on me was 2009, a few months after the drunken phone call when he admitted that he didn't have feelings for me. in 2015 #1 tried, again, and i still shot him down. if he tried me again, today, i'd still turn him down. but i'd give him a gold star for trying so hard. (LOL) (he will probably read this and be mad at me, but, at least i'm NOT NAMING YOU BC I RESPECT YOUR PARTNER AND I HOPE YOU HAVE CHANGED YOUR WAYS) (When he tried in 2015 i said that i respected his partner more then i respected him and told him to get his hands off me, FYI).
i told a therapist something #1 said to me when we were in school. i used to dress like i was from CLUELESS - nice, but, hot (a bunch of the guys in my class assumed i was from Toronto before they found out i was a local bc i had fashion sense. i read cosmo a lot? LOL). i always caught #1 looking at me in class. one day, he leaned over and whispered "I KNOW YOU ARE WEARING A PADDED BRA." at the time, i thought this was hot. yet, now, when i think about it, i think about how much older #1 was than me, that he saw me as a conquest, another notch. now i feel weird. i was 19. he was 26. when months later we finally started our lil secret thing (me 20, him 27), he used to call me and beg for me to come to the school to "do things" with him in one of the edit suites. one time i went, but, i wouldn't let him do anything, because i was serious about school, and i didn't want to be busted by security. #1 actually had the nerve to tell me he knew the rounds schedule and that we wouldn't be caught. i ended up leaving because it pissed me off so much. how fickle he was/still is. i was there for an education, not for the thrill of hooking up in an Hi-8 tape to tape edit suite.
the other reason why i had to keep shit quiet was: at least one other dude i dated in school, let's call him #2), who broke up with me suddenly, knew i had a crush on the older dude (#1), and was jealous. not sure why, because the reason #2 dumped me was because he had a secret girlfriend back home in southern ontario, who was coming up to visit. then #2 had the nerve to tell me that he only wanted to hook up with me, after she came to visit and it didn't go well. so i secretly moved on to #1, satisfied in my secret revenge, and actually hooking up with a dude who treated me kinda with respect. to be honest, #1 was kind to me, but, he was also controlling, in the way that he pretended to have more feelings for me then he actually did. i didn't actually "emotionally" break things off with him until 2008? when he had a kid with a random. it affected me because he was one of the 2 guys i ever thought i could have kids with. he now has another kid with his current partner, and i couldn't be happier for him, because he is an amazing father. and in hindsight, i'm glad i never pulled stupid girl games and got knocked up by him, because, he would of never of been the partner i've always wanted.
instead i've had a string of Ontario Film assholes that i've dated, mixed in with other guys that are not in the business. but, i've mainly dated Ontario Film men exclusively, and some of them have been absolute dill holes.
i once had to read a list of women to one of this guys i was involved with, when i confronted him about hooking up with the universe behind my back. he denied it all. until i started listing off names. i had to confront him because one of the girls had tried to kill herself because he lied to her so much. ya, i'm still friends with him too. why? because he has honestly changed his ways, and he is remarried to a nice woman. tho his rep isn't crystal clear. let's just leave it at that. he may read this too, and if you do, oh yes, you know this is about you. feel free to call me or comment here, nothing is public in my comments unless i approve it.
'cause if you are handsome and slightly intelligent, and working in Ontario Film, hooking up with chicks is like shooting fish in a barrel. more on that later.
oh and a hearty welcome to my new readers. have seen my stats go up a lot recently. STAY TUNED. i'm only on 1997!!!
probably going to be daily some days
but when i have "LIFE" to deal with i will have to prioritize that. i am no slave to the interwebs ;)
i spent my spare time the last few days writing this post in my head
and in the bath tub the other day i thought:
"well, i guess i should start where most stories start...at the beginning"
in 1997 i had a meeting with my highschool guidance counsellor, who pointed out that i was excelling at media production, as i was a part of the video yearbook team, and me and my cousin matthew had been making lil movies with his VHS camera.
my other best friend, also named matthew, and my oldest friend, steve, we also had ruled at making video projects for presentations instead of the whole boring students talking pointing at cardboard things that people usually did. in particular i remember a weekend where steve came out to kakabeka falls and stayed at matt's, and we made an english class video (scenes shot in order, or really ghetto camera to VHS editing). this particular english video was about CATCHER IN THE RYE, and we had steve play all the Holden Caulfield parts. i remember at one point we had him kick a basketball really far across the baseball pitch at KB falls elementary school. then he dead panned into the camera. i actually still laugh thinking about it.
i was practically failing OAC (grade 13) english at the time (as well this was THE ONLY CREDIT I NEEDED TO GRADUATE), and this video, and a presentation where i revealed my great grandparents had been married in PEI by Lucy Maud Montgomery's husband, were probably the only reasons why i actually passed this class. oh, and i made a tribute to Alfred Hitchcock video too, where I PLAYED most of the female roles, including screaming in the shower (and far from naked, i had bare shoulders) for PSYCHO. i'm hoping my cousin matt has lost THAT footage in particular. before this point i was more well known as one of the only 18 year olds in school who had to be separated from my other bestie (ryan) and moved to the front of the room. why? for talking too much and passing notes constantly.
so many people thought i was stupid, but the guidance counsellor knew: i was REALLY smart, and SUPER bored at school.
what she didn't know was: i was having a lot of issues at home with my single father, who was drinking too much, and i had to take care of my younger brother. we usually had limited food (i spent my small paycheques from my multiple part time jobs on food, often), and a lot of the time we were missing important things. like power. or a phone. or water, because our pipes usually froze every winter. when i looked at my highschool report cards recently, one of my friends commented on some of my low grades. and said: "it makes sense to me because i was starving."
around this time i had a huge fight with my father and asked my aunt if i could move out.
because even though i was starving, there was a trust fund waiting for me when i turned 18, for my education and for anything i may need. a result of my deceased mother having several childless aunts, who left all of their money to their nieces and nephews (with me and my brother splitting my mom's portion). i also got a small amount in my mother's father's will, when he died when i was in grade 8.
my aunt was the executor of both wills. she ended up losing a shit ton of money in the Nortel collapse, so, eventually i removed her from having any control over this money, as she kept on keeping me from the funds, even though i was 18. she did allow me to move out, and barely gave me enough money to live, informing me i had to get a job.
problem: i'd applied for over 40+ jobs in the city of thunder bay in 1997 and got ONE interview. i could only find employment in kakabeka falls, and i lived in thunder bay. i coasted on trust fund fumes and made money where i could (usually babysitting).
when i started college, for film production, it was even harder for me to work, and i concentrated just on school (well at first i concentrated on socializing, but, at the time my school had a very strict policy on missing classes, if you missed 3 classes TOTAL over all of your classes in a semester, you'd be kicked out of the course. i gave up on a social life after missing 2 classes.)
i found from day one that i was a divide in my class. this was the first time i wondered if the world was a man's world. we had around 30 people in our class, and i was one of 6-7 girls. one of the girls dropped out in the first semester, and we lost another one between 1st and 2nd year.
i had another issue: dating the guys in my class. caused too much drama so i went under cover, and eventually i had a pretty secret fling with one of my classmates (we'll call him #1). it went on for years and years off and on (whenever #1 was in Toronto and the brief time i lived in the same city as him) after we were done school. we are still friends, but, #1 eventually admitted to me (2009) that he'd been using me for hookups (and long distance lust) and didn't really have real feelings for me ever. ya #1 is still my friend even though i actually did love the fucker. too many pages in my diary devoted to that waste of time. i do not think #1 is a bad person, just a womanizer. and because #1 works in the business, and he is handsome, it helps him in this. if you are a male in media you are encouraged to cheat, especially on location. it's so fucked up. i can say the last time #1 "tried" something on me was 2009, a few months after the drunken phone call when he admitted that he didn't have feelings for me. in 2015 #1 tried, again, and i still shot him down. if he tried me again, today, i'd still turn him down. but i'd give him a gold star for trying so hard. (LOL) (he will probably read this and be mad at me, but, at least i'm NOT NAMING YOU BC I RESPECT YOUR PARTNER AND I HOPE YOU HAVE CHANGED YOUR WAYS) (When he tried in 2015 i said that i respected his partner more then i respected him and told him to get his hands off me, FYI).
i rocked the layered top with short skirt often...plus socks...and platform boots.
i told a therapist something #1 said to me when we were in school. i used to dress like i was from CLUELESS - nice, but, hot (a bunch of the guys in my class assumed i was from Toronto before they found out i was a local bc i had fashion sense. i read cosmo a lot? LOL). i always caught #1 looking at me in class. one day, he leaned over and whispered "I KNOW YOU ARE WEARING A PADDED BRA." at the time, i thought this was hot. yet, now, when i think about it, i think about how much older #1 was than me, that he saw me as a conquest, another notch. now i feel weird. i was 19. he was 26. when months later we finally started our lil secret thing (me 20, him 27), he used to call me and beg for me to come to the school to "do things" with him in one of the edit suites. one time i went, but, i wouldn't let him do anything, because i was serious about school, and i didn't want to be busted by security. #1 actually had the nerve to tell me he knew the rounds schedule and that we wouldn't be caught. i ended up leaving because it pissed me off so much. how fickle he was/still is. i was there for an education, not for the thrill of hooking up in an Hi-8 tape to tape edit suite.
the other reason why i had to keep shit quiet was: at least one other dude i dated in school, let's call him #2), who broke up with me suddenly, knew i had a crush on the older dude (#1), and was jealous. not sure why, because the reason #2 dumped me was because he had a secret girlfriend back home in southern ontario, who was coming up to visit. then #2 had the nerve to tell me that he only wanted to hook up with me, after she came to visit and it didn't go well. so i secretly moved on to #1, satisfied in my secret revenge, and actually hooking up with a dude who treated me kinda with respect. to be honest, #1 was kind to me, but, he was also controlling, in the way that he pretended to have more feelings for me then he actually did. i didn't actually "emotionally" break things off with him until 2008? when he had a kid with a random. it affected me because he was one of the 2 guys i ever thought i could have kids with. he now has another kid with his current partner, and i couldn't be happier for him, because he is an amazing father. and in hindsight, i'm glad i never pulled stupid girl games and got knocked up by him, because, he would of never of been the partner i've always wanted.
instead i've had a string of Ontario Film assholes that i've dated, mixed in with other guys that are not in the business. but, i've mainly dated Ontario Film men exclusively, and some of them have been absolute dill holes.
i once had to read a list of women to one of this guys i was involved with, when i confronted him about hooking up with the universe behind my back. he denied it all. until i started listing off names. i had to confront him because one of the girls had tried to kill herself because he lied to her so much. ya, i'm still friends with him too. why? because he has honestly changed his ways, and he is remarried to a nice woman. tho his rep isn't crystal clear. let's just leave it at that. he may read this too, and if you do, oh yes, you know this is about you. feel free to call me or comment here, nothing is public in my comments unless i approve it.
'cause if you are handsome and slightly intelligent, and working in Ontario Film, hooking up with chicks is like shooting fish in a barrel. more on that later.
oh and a hearty welcome to my new readers. have seen my stats go up a lot recently. STAY TUNED. i'm only on 1997!!!
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